Mr. Efron, say it ain’t so

Sat, Jan 2, 2010


This is from the Nov. 30 issue of Time Magazine:

Q: Is there any chance you will try action movies?

Zac Efron A: I would love to try an action film at some point, but not too soon. I think that can be a kiss of death. There’s got to be a real role that I can bring something unique and specific to, a way for me to do it believably. Until then, I think it would just come across as weird.

This was a question posed by somebody named Angela from Zanesville, Ohio (more like Zany-ville, amirite?) in Time Mag’s 10 Questions article that normally profiles someone of news or cultural importance.  You may be asking yourself why I read the whole thing, why I didn’t throw down the news-magazine and scream in disgust and terror.  Well, I do this for you, dear readers.

But, now to respond to Mr. Efron: Yes, it would just come across as weird.  Don’t do it.  It would be awful.  I feel I can speak for the Action Viewing elite by telling you to look at the terrible Wanted.  Just because you are a draw with certain demographics at the box office, does not mean that you should star in an action movie.  Abs do not give you this privilege.  I’m sorry.

As with James McAvoy in Wanted, Efron is pretty high on the “he’s just kind of a wiener” scale.  A soft face and
highlights do not have a place in action movies.  Feathered hair should only be feathered with sweat, grit and possibly the fingers blown off by the hero of the movie (unless it’s the early 90s or late 80s, see: Stone Cold – but mullets were part of it. So, that evens things out in the end).

To further illustrate why I don’t want this to happen (other than the fact that more wieners would probably take your example and try to get starring roles in these movies; also Wanted 2 is reported to be in the works): I’d end up watching it.  Not just to review it or to get a beatdown count. But, as a “thing” with Action Girl.

Action Girl:  “Hey, I rented a movie with Netflix I think you’d like.  It said it was an action movie.”

Dolbey:  (Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy)  “Oh yeah? What is it?”

Action Girl:  “Umm…I think it has Angelina Jolie in it…”

Dolbey:  (Oh Lord No! Please let her be mistaken.)  “Huh. And James McAvoy?”

Action Girl:  “Yeah!”

Dolbey:  “Wanted.”

Action Girl:  “That’s it!”

Dolbey (sobbing on the inside):  “Well, thanks for thinking of me.”

I’m just telling you Mr. Efron, it just won’t work out.

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3 Responses to “Mr. Efron, say it ain’t so”

  1. DRock Says:

    If Efron did a movie, we’d probably have to add a “slap” category to the Blood Bank because he is such a pussy compared to the action elite and well… everything in general.


  2. She-Ra Says:

    Zac is all muscle and buffer than Shia LaBeouf who’s in action films. So who cares? Hair can be cut. And lest you forget, even Brad Pitt was once a skinny kid.


  3. Action Girl Says:

    I don’t like Wanted! But I did like ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’. Brad Pitt = not high on the wiener scale.


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